"Father, keep them in Your name, the name which you have given Me, that they may be one even as We are." -John 17:11
What one word would most people describe your marriage? Do people outside looking in see you and your spouse as one? I think one of the most weirdest and inspiring verse in the bible occurs in the very beginning. "For that reason, a man will leave his father and mother, and is joined with his wife. For two will become one." (Genesis 2:24)
How can two different, unique people be one? It just seems impossible. You think differently. You respond to things differently. You have different interests and different friends. How can you be one?
The answer can be seen in the Holy Trinity. They are completely different, and yet They are the same. How? One word. They are united. United is defined in three ways by Webster: made one (combined), produced in a joint effort, being in agreement (harmonious). I love Webster. Let's break those down.
Combined. You have two different people in a marriage. They are joined by God into a single unit, a family. They no longer have a singular identity, but one that is joined together. Have you ever gone somewhere without your spouse (besides work), and what is usually the first question out of people's mouths? Where is ______ (your spouse's name)? You are no longer defined as an individual.
Produced in a joint effort. This is no something that is done by one spouse, but together. Your children are raised together and not by just one. Your marriage is built or destroyed by both. It is something you get the privilege of having someone to help you. I hate working alone. I am more likely to get discouraged and give up. I know why God said it is not good for man to be alone. It is not good for you to be alone. You have someone to produce with.
Lastly, harmonious. Being in agreement. This does not mean thinking the same way. It means where your differences compliment each other. I grew up in the Brethern Church. They really believe in worshiping God with harmonious melodies. It is a thing of beauty when people come together and blend their Soprano voice, their Alto voice, their Tenor voice, their baritone voice, and their Bass voice. It almost sounds as if God is in the notes. So it is in a marriage, when the two people are blended, joined in a common effort, and harmonious. People can see God come alive.
Harmony is only able to be achieved when both parties agree to put their singular identities aside and be joined together. They work on the same thing and together, even when they disagree. I can remember when I was being interviewed about possibly being a deacon at our church. The question was asked of me, if I thought I would be able to move forward with a decision that was made that I did not agree with. Could I justify it to someone who asked me, even if I was outvoted? The bottom line I was being asked, would I be an instrument of unity, or discord.
How about you? Can you support your spouse even when you disagree with the decision? Do you talk bad about them in public? Do you move along their side, or are you going in the opposite direction?
I personally think this one is harder for women than for men. Men are the leaders of the household and they are the ones who make the final judgment. They are the ones who decide which way to move and how fast. Women generally talk about how they feel, while men bury it.
The way this is exposed in men, is in how they lead their family. Are the willing to listen to their wives? Do you respect them as a person, or do you overwhelm them with your wants? Are you so loud, your spouse has no voice? Do you create an atmosphere where harmony can exist, or do you sabotage the process?
For me, my biggest problem, is not in honoring my wife, but in being too loud. I try very hard to make my wife happy. I want her to feel cherished and loved. We go her way more than mine, but it does not feel that way because of how I lead. I am a very loud and confident person. I step forward (hence my blog, my ministry) and sometimes I go without her. I leave her behind me. Our harmony ends up sounding more like a solo. I need to allow Patti to find her voice.
Lord, help me to move more into the background and let Patti take the spotlight. Help me to be the leader that Patti needs and deserves me to be. Make me more like Beethoven than like Joe and create beautiful music with Patti.
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