Does the book, "The Love Dare", work?

I have noticed that a lot of people are trying to find out if this thing called the Love Dare is real and if it works.  I also noticed that there is not much information about what the book does and how well it works.

I want to put out some information about this book.  First, Do both spouses have to participate together?  The book is written for a solo journey.  It is a private, soulful journey.  You will discover as much about yourself as you do about how to love your mate.  Which leads me to the second question.

Can both spouses do the dare together?  Is it still authentic if you know what your spouse is doing?  This is a little tricky.  Both spouses are able to take this journey together.  It will give you a topic of discussion everyday.  It will give you both opportunities to surprise each other.  You have to be more creative and sneaky to accomplish some of the dares without your spouse seeing you.  But, if you are cynical by nature, you could be lead to believe the only reason why your spouse did the dare was because they had to.  The choice is really up to you.  The other thing to keep in mind, is that each dare is really a private journey and so each one of you will experience something different everyday.

I am not a Christian, can I still do the Love Dare?  You do not need to be a Christian to try to learn how to love your spouse.  Some of the days will really feel foreign to you (like the day to pray for your spouse), but you will be able to learn something everyday. 

Will the Love Dare save my marriage?  This is really the question everyone wants to know.  The answer is: I do not know.  I do not know how damaged and broken your marriage is.  I do not know how committed you and your spouse are to each other.  I do not know what is causing the divide.  But I do know this: you cannot take this book seriously and not walk away unchanged.  It reaches right into your very psyche and causes you to think.  It forces you to stop blaming the other person for the mess you are in and look at how you can do things differently.  If you stubbornly refuse to accept fault/ or blame for the mess you are in, then NOTHING will be able to save your marriage.  I remember once, in the middle of a huge blowout, my mom told me she was ready to divorce my dad.  She kept telling me over and over how it was HIS fault and HE keeps doing everything wrong.  I looked at her point blank and said, "When things get to this point (divorce), there is no innocent party.  Both of you are equally responsible and you need to accept that you are not perfect."  She eventually did, and they are still together today.  The point is you spouse is probably not the most perfect person in the world, but neither are you.  If you are willing to look inward and upward to find out how to save your marriage, then this is definitely the book for you.

Comments

[jessica]

im on day 18 of the book, about 3 months since he left...lots of ups and downs..one week he is reacting to me in caring ways and then the next he is retreating and yelling....im having a difficult time, I am loving unconditionally i have forgiven and i have asked him for forgiveness. I pray all the time. I have been told of multiply occasions that this road is hard and will only get harder...but i am frustrated and broke to the core. and everytime i think i am progressing he sweeps in gives me hope then when i show the hope he drags me down. tonight was cook dinner for your spouse. he moved out so i had to ask him over, has plans, got mad, retreated. told me to stop he will never come back. though yesterday we went to the movies...confused

[Samuel]

Monday my wife told me she wanted a divorce after a major blow-up and lost my temper. I'm not ready to throw away 10 years. I have caused alot of damage in our marriage just because of being selfish and self centered. This book has broken me and I have had I guess a "Damascus Road" experience, and it is only day 4. If it does not change my marriage at least it has changed me.. for the better.

[Miriam]

My husband had an affair and moved in with the other woman. We worked it out, then didn't, then did. I mailed him the book and got one for myself. A lot of what is in the book I have done for years in our marriage. He has changed some in how he reacts to things, but he hasn't really done any of the daily things. So, I don't know if he isn't since I got the book for him or because he isn't reading the book. I really feel this book is a very good grounding for marriage and how to treat others and yourself. I feel that it is a transforming book, I read it each day and have been praying. I don't know what else to do, I have been in the situation for a long time now, it is breaking my heart.

[DP]

I don't know if it will save what is lost, but with God's grace I am praying that it will work, not by my will, but by His will. I am on day 4, my wife is gone, says something I sent her made her sick today, though that hurt, I responded in love. It would be easy to give up and say whatever but THAT is not what I want to do. I am not a perfect man and my actions are the roots of ALL of our problems. My realization of selfishness is CLEAR. I do not know what the end of the 40 days holds for me because she is 7 states away, so a lot of things are very challenging since I can not see her everyday. What I do know is, that I LOVE her and owe it to her to TRY, she has loved me unconditionally for 13 years, I was so blind, so foolish. So will I give up? No, there is already a transformation within me, when i get down I remember, Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13: 7-8

I will be patient, I will be calm, I will be kind, I will LOVE her. Even if it does not end how I want it to end, I will LOVE her.

[David]

Father God I pray for everyone on here. I pray for you to wrap your arms around each and every person who is in pain. I know you believe in marriages and you believe in families. Father God you are our Lord and you sent your only son to pay for our sins. WE are all weak servants of yours and need your help. You say ask and you shall receive, well I am asking for your help in saving our marriages. In the case of affairs that are ruining complicating reconciliations I pray you send the Holy Spirit to show the devil's plan to the spouse who needs to see it. I pray for your will to be done and your grace showered onto everyone on here. I pray for this in Jesus name-Amen

[wylie eden]

Good luck to everybody.

I started The Love Dare today. But funny enough I started doing many things in the book about three weeks before I saw the movie. And my wife and I have been separated and living apart for more than a year. We have kept in contact, but it is really emotional and sad every time we see each other. The last time she saw me she told me she doesn't love me, has nothing left inside to love anyone; but she agreed to think some more and hold off on the divorce. I don't know if the Love Dare will work for us, but I know that at the very least it will awaken the beautiful girl inside her and give her the strenght to love again. Because at the end of this journey she will know that true, unconditional love really exists. Even if my love goes unrequited, I have to believe it will be worth it.

[Meghan]

I think the book can work. Me and my husband started the journey and we couldn't make it past day 4. I don't think our marriage can be saved and we have only been married for 11 months. I do hope this book works for everyone else. May god bless you all and your union.

[Tim]

I'm on day 18 of the love dare. It's challenging. It requires focus. But my wife has commented on the difference in me. I didn't tell her about the dare until I actually had to buy the book (ran out of daily chapters online). She was skeptical at first but now she has started the dare. I've noticed that things are getting better overall.

I don't know how the story ends, but I'm praying for our marriage and for a real change in me. When I married my wife, I meant for better or worse and I meant for life. It's tougher than I thought, but that doesn't change the vow I made.

[michelle]

im on day 17 i am a woman. little glimmers of hope here and there but not much and im half way through, i have faith in my willingness. i dont expect to be on cloud 9 in 40 days but im learning and as the book says you never stop learning. im willing to continue my dares after the book is long gone. i think you all should too. the book works if you want it to work.

[marty]

i have started this book 7 days ago she does not want it to work at all today she found out about it and i did not want to tell her but i felt like i was cheating so i confised about it.she ask me to stop triing.i pray every day for to change and i have faith but i wish stronger prayers and more people to pray for us to bring her back in love with me . i really love my wife.

[Duncan]

I have started this week... without my Wife knowing. She has told me that she considers our Marriage over and she is free to do what she wants, but stays together for our 6 month old. My heart is breaking every day, knowing that I hurt her. I offer my prayers to you each, and ask that you pray for healing in our home, and that we both be guided by Holy Wisdom. Thanks.

[CS]

I have just begun the love dare journey today. While I am terrified to take this journey, not knowing the end result...I know that we must have faith. For me, it is not just the troubles we have had in our relationship that I focus on, but the added dynamic of my spouse's ongoing emotional affair with another person. I wish nothing but the best for anyone fighting to save their marriage. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers!

[nia]

I will be praying for all of you, and ask you do the same for me. My husband has left me, without warning. But I am going to make a go at it anyway. I know the Lord can change ANYONE's heart!

[CB]

I also am three days into it and it has caused me to see how I have been wrong and how my actions have contributed to what has happened in our marriage. I do truly love my wife and I do not want her to leave.
ELW, you and your family will be in my prayers. I humbly ask any others to pray for my wife and me as well.

[ELW]

Thank you for this inspiration. I think you are right. It can't be known if this will help every marriage. I hope and pray that it will help me and my wife. I think the key is to take each dare completely and with all your heart. If taken very seriously I am fairly certain that something good will happen. I am now three days in, and I think the main thing to remember is that I must go to the end. It is easy to get discouraged early on when not receiving the results for which we hope. I think this is natural and it probably takes the whole 40 days to gradually bring around the love. I appreciate any prayers on our behalf. I really love my wife.